Larry Hinders's Washington Wizards Fan Profile

Barkley Awarded Nobel Prize In a surprise ceremony in Stockholm, Sweden, Charles Barkley was awarded the Nobel Prize for Basketball Analysis for his landmark thesis entitled "The Washington Wizards: Morons of the Hardwood.” Early publicity surfaced concerning Barkley’s work just last week when Barkley declared that the Wizards were the dumbest team in the history of the NBA, but his study of the Wizards actually began three years ago when he ripped Washington in the early stages of their series against Chicago. Barkley noted at the time that the Wizards’ offense seemed to revolve around a pass-free scheme that hinged on randomly launched shots early in the shot clock. His work concluded recently when he became aware of the fact that DeShawn Stevenson had called Lebron James overrated. James has proceeded to outscore Stevenson 62 to 15 in two games in route to a 2 – 0 lead for the Cavs. The Wizards and Coach Eddie Jordan have succeeded in making Barkley look like a Rhodes Scholar instead of the comic relief on TNT’s “At the Half” show. Close scrutiny of Barkley thorough study reveals the following evidence of the Wizards’ low basketball IQ: 1. Eddie Jordan is supposed to be an offensive genius who is the master of the Princeton offense, a motion offense the features frequent passing and backdoor opportunities. The Wizards have managed, despite Jordan’s “brilliance,” to be one of the bottom five teams in the league in +/- assist ratio (meaning that comparing their number of assists to the number of assists they allow results is a low number). They rely on the offensive skills of their three All-Star caliber players while allowing other teams to efficiently run their offensive sets. 2. The Wizards allowed an NBA record for three point shots allowed in a season this year. If it had been points in the paint, you might think they simply didn’t have the size to defend. The fact is that Jordan believes you can only defend the interior or the perimeter and he has chosen the interior. His defensive scheme, if one really exists, allows other teams to get open looks at jump shots and results in career nights for opposing shooters. 3. The Wizards, despite having three strong players on the roster, were blown out by 20+ points ten times in the regular season. They also had a strong record against the leagues’ top teams. The inconsistency of the team’s performance speaks to an inability to stay focused on all types of opponents and results in consistent .500 (or so) records over the past four years. Jim Croce once said that “you don’t tug on Superman’s cape.” Apparently DeShawn Stevenson has never listened to “You Don’t Mess Around with Jim.” He challenged one of the leagues top players and his team has paid the price early in their current series. Jordan was quoted as saying that he doesn’t put any restrictions on his players’ comments. Perhaps a new, smarter approach should be employed by DeShawn and his player-friendly genius of a coach.

Barkley Awarded Nobel Prize In a surprise ceremony in Stockholm, Sweden, Charles Barkley was awarded the Nobel Prize for Basketball Analysis for his landmark thesis entitled "The Washington Wizards: Morons of the Hardwood.” Early publicity surfaced concerning Barkley’s work just last week when Barkley declared that the Wizards were the dumbest team in the history of the NBA, but his study of the Wizards actually began three years ago when he ripped Washington in the early stages of their series against Chicago. Barkley noted at the time that the Wizards’ offense seemed to revolve around a pass-free scheme that hinged on randomly launched shots early in the shot clock. His work concluded recently when he became aware of the fact that DeShawn Stevenson had called Lebron James overrated. James has proceeded to outscore Stevenson 62 to 15 in two games in route to a 2 – 0 lead for the Cavs. The Wizards and Coach Eddie Jordan have succeeded in making Barkley look like a Rhodes Scholar instead of the comic relief on TNT’s “At the Half” show. Close scrutiny of Barkley thorough study reveals the following evidence of the Wizards’ low basketball IQ: 1. Eddie Jordan is supposed to be an offensive genius who is the master of the Princeton offense, a motion offense the features frequent passing and backdoor opportunities. The Wizards have managed, despite Jordan’s “brilliance,” to be one of the bottom five teams in the league in +/- assist ratio (meaning that comparing their number of assists to the number of assists they allow results is a low number). They rely on the offensive skills of their three All-Star caliber players while allowing other teams to efficiently run their offensive sets. 2. The Wizards allowed an NBA record for three point shots allowed in a season this year. If it had been points in the paint, you might think they simply didn’t have the size to defend. The fact is that Jordan believes you can only defend the interior or the perimeter and he has chosen the interior. His defensive scheme, if one really exists, allows other teams to get open looks at jump shots and results in career nights for opposing shooters. 3. The Wizards, despite having three strong players on the roster, were blown out by 20+ points ten times in the regular season. They also had a strong record against the leagues’ top teams. The inconsistency of the team’s performance speaks to an inability to stay focused on all types of opponents and results in consistent .500 (or so) records over the past four years. Jim Croce once said that “you don’t tug on Superman’s cape.” Apparently DeShawn Stevenson has never listened to “You Don’t Mess Around with Jim.” He challenged one of the leagues top players and his team has paid the price early in their current series. Jordan was quoted as saying that he doesn’t put any restrictions on his players’ comments. Perhaps a new, smarter approach should be employed by DeShawn and his player-friendly genius of a coach.